December 2010
85 posts
Had an amazing night last night. And I have an amazing night ahead of me. But currently, I’m layering up to go run to my car that I left at the wine bar. It’s 17 degrees out. FML.
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I haven’t had a wall charger for my cell phone since August. AUGUST. I’ve been surviving off my car charger. For four months. AND it also serves as my only alarm clock. I would survive the shit out of a nuclear winter. Where you at Bear Grylls??
UGGGGH, my family always wants to fly me to Hawaii at the exact same time the Scottsdale Culinary Festival is taking place! I HAVE REAL PROBLEMS U GUYZ!
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I will be in Las Vegas on Friday from 5:45pm until Saturday, 8:15pm should anyone find this information useful.
Three hour gap in schedule=
wine at lunch.
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Favorite Compliment to give:
You’re so photogenic!
Deep Thoughts.
Has there ever been an injury in a movie where they say “DON’T put pressure on it!” ? That would make me laugh. “Arrrgggg, my leg!!” “STOP! Don’t touch it!! Whatever you do, do NOT put pressure on that!! It might get infected.”
Girls possessing the skill to acutely pick out hats that actually look good on them seem to be rare.
Is the second...
There are so many people that would love to tell... →
in the FACE
At least once a week in the bathroom at work, I’ll lean in a little closer to the mirror to see how blue my eyes are that day get a seed out of my teeth or whathaveyou. Well, we have one of those motion-sensor air fresheners and everytime I lean in, it maces me in the face. Like, directly up the nasal cavity and directly into my eyes all at once. A Morning Mist of pain and burning followed...
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My new favorite possession is an old gun cabinet my grandfather (my mother’s father) made his father-in-law (my great grandfather). He made it in 1955. He was 20. He had more talent in his hands at 20 then I will probably ever have. It reminds me of a different, more simple time I guess…Now I can justify purchasing several guns to fill it. It’s what he would have wanted.
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I have a strong desire to get another tattoo. I’ve been sketching a few pieces. Might go big and get a chest piece. I’ve wanted it forever, to balance me out if that makes sense. I also want to tell the world to go fuck themselves. For some reason, these two feelings seem to show up together a lot in my life. The slippery slope to hermitdom.
“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.”
– Tallulah Bankhead (via prettymess)
“What you just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever...”
– Principal Downey
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“You know what would be [Justin Bieber’s] dead giveaway? How often do you see a...”
– my dad, on Justin Bieber getting mobbed at the local mall today. (via sade)
Real talk, I physically ran into JC Chasez (sp?) like, during the pinnacle of N*sync success. I was walking in the mall in Orlando circa 2002ish and was like, that’s a BIG fucking black dude, then *smack* face into...
Cousin 1 to Cousin 2: Whatever happened to that escort you were dating??
Cousin 2: You mean my WIFE!?
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA *dying*
We're so classy.
Merry Christmas!
Because only terrorists say “Happy Holidays”! Apparently, terrorists are quite polite.
Boss: Would you like a bottle of Silver Oak cabernet or...
Me: Silver Oak.
Boss: OR...
Me: Wine. Silver Oak. Done.
Boss: I didn't even tell you what the other option is!
Me: Unless it's more Silver Oak, then my answer is Silver Oak.
Boss: Fair enough. Here ya go. Merry Christmas.
Me: Merry Christmas!
Learn something new everyday.
When your 60+ year old patient tells you that when she left her husband and was moving out, she found a chest filled with transvestite paraphenalia including, but not limited to, “dongs this big (gestures with arms)” it is best to not laugh until you cry while she is still in the room.
My favorite part of the holidays is having my old friends together. I could spend the rest of the night trying to recount the stories but I’ve been drinking and I’ve already had to backspace like 37 times thus far so…for another time. Just know, these are good people, and you would love them. And they are kind of horrible human beings. Which makes them awesome. I miss these...
“Vegas. New Year’s Eve.”
– Flight has been booked.
Vegas or not for NYE? I fucking hate NYE. But I have a free plane ticket. And my buddy has comped tables at XS. And free suites at the Wynn. But I hate Vegas too. Rats, everywhere. But I have nothing else I’d rather do. So I should probably go? I’ll go. Good talk.
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Fox News Makes You Stupid. Weird. →
“Personally I’m in favor of democracy, which means that the central institutions...”
– Noam Chomsky (via illuminatedbeing)
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Monday: Get my life together.
Almost cried at the end of Elf. James Caan, you heartless bastard, just SING!!
brb…checking the couch for my Man Card…wait, It’s A Wonderful Life is on?? Oh fuck.
SEXY UPDATE: I’m not watching football because I hate (ShEli) Manning and Vick equally and passionately. Additionally, I desperately need KC to lose (which they are not at the moment) and these are the only two...
Kind of creeps me out that almost every girl I have dated over the last two years has somehow found and habitually reads my ex-girlfriend’s tumblr. We broke up like 2 years ago. How did you even find it?? But it’s a good blog, you should read it. Oh wait, you are. There’s people that are following me, a couple of other Reno tumblrs, and her and that’s it. IDENTIFY...
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CONGRATS!
To Jay and Anna for getting engaged. I am genuinely excited for them, I’m buying Jay his own personal not-to-be-touched by Anna 5lb jar of trail mix. And I’m buying Anna a portable karaoke machine. I’m sorry I ruined the surprise, but now you have a year to get excited about my gifts. Congrats again! Love you kids.
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“I will either be dead or senile for the better part of my child’s life.”
– Jack Donaghy
Gym dude: You can't park there! That's for childcare pick-up.
Me: Look, I don't pay dues here so I can park in BFE just so all these fucking high school kids' parents can idle their beamers in the prime parking spots! It's like 7pm. It's fine.
Gym dude: You don't pay dues at all. You have a free membership.
Me: Like I said...
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This has been one of the roughest days of my professional life. In fact, it was the roughest day of my professional life. And the person that used to make me feel better, the person who always knew the right thing to say isn’t here. Which reminds me that I have been through so much worse and I will be alright.
Also, I remembered I have percocet in my desk drawer, 3/4 of a bottle of pinot...
