January 2009
27 posts
“The next person that says, “See you next year!” will lose their...”
“What kind of dog food does Bruno eat? Also, how do you make Skip-N-Go-Nakeds?”
– Text from my sister. Happy NYE.
Agree to disagree.
When your roommate says “I may have just made the most amazing cookies in the HISTORY of baking chocolate chip cookies!!” what he means is “The cookies are kinda burnt. I’m really stoned.”
December 2008
26 posts
NYE...
So many expectations…for the new year. My mom told me a couple new years ago she was going to stay up and watch the ball drop because the year before she went to sleep early and had the worst year of her life. I hate this holiday. But I am genuinely starting a new year, a new life. And this is the most scared I have ever been. I am looking forward to tonight…to good company…and...
Mix in a salad.
It’s amazing to me how bitches just go and blow up after high school/college. Most of my male friends still work out and are in good shape. But I’d say more than half the females I know have packed on some serious lbs. Oh sure, a few of them had the misfortune of having children but still…say it with me, crunchies. Just a few a day. It’ll turn your life around. Many of the...
“Chi mangia solo crepa solo!”
– And the cooking begins…
Road Warrior.
So there is a gnarly storm approaching and it appears that if I try to drive from Orange County to Reno tomorrow morning I will get caught in the middle of it. While this, in and of itself is not a concern as I am a master behind the wheel, I am anticipating choas from the other less-qualified drivers on the road. So I have decided to leave tonight and drive all night with an estimated time of...
Irony 2.0
The minute I finish loading roughly 1000lbs of very wooden furniture into the back of my pick-up, it begins to rain…Oh hey, Monday, go fuck yourself.
Irony.
Waking up to the sound of my truck being towed from outside my house. Cursing the cop, the tow-truck driver, and anyone that made eye-contact with me. Amount it cost to get my truck out of impound: 287 dollars. Watching my Chargers continue their/our playoff dream comeback. Rivers having the game of his life. And finally, destroying my competition in fantasy football and winning the championship...
Leaving...don't know if I'll be back again...
So the decision is final. I have decided my heart (and my wallet) can’t live in Southern California any longer and I am returning to my roots. It has been 10 years since I’ve lived in Reno for any significant amount of time and on this go around I am heading back with the intention to set up roots of my own. How I can leave the most amazing place I have ever lived and even worse, the...
Seau, you are a cocksmoker.
Seau is coming out of retirement to play for the Patriots. “Obviously, there’s a lot of history here with us and it wasn’t a hard decision.” Yes, two seasons. That is a ridiculous amount of history. Sellout. You still live in San Diego. We brought you into this world, we’ll take you out of it. Especially if you play lights out against us and make game-changing plays in the...
“Thought of the day: Why are hispanics the only people that name their children...”
Geek Squad.
I am a fucking computer genius. I have been doing a song and dance routine with the 19 year-olds at apple for about a year now and have finally triumphed!** Background: I bought my first Mac about 4 years ago and it works perfectly, dare I say, dreamingly. But, the fascists at Apple decided to change processors and consequently I couldn’t update my computer anymore, which meant no more...
