JonnyBravo



I have a doctorate. I black out regularly. I am not a writer. Photobucket

Archive/RSS

November 6
Fuck Kim Kardashian. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would but I don’t really want to go after Reggie Bush (amirightfellas?). But wasn’t this bitch’s platform that you don’t need to be thin to be beautiful?? I mean, all she talks about is how much she loves her curves and shit but, and stop be if I’m wrong*, then why is she losing weight? It’s obvious that she is trying to get thinner. But Kim, I thought big could be beautiful?? Now, I’m not complaining, I don’t like fat girls and I’m not saying she will ever not be curvy or that she’s skinny by any means, I’m just saying, don’t go selling fucking thighmasters and then get lipo (I’m looking at you Suzanne Somers).  I mean, are the days of trusting the famous-for-no-reason-offspring-of-other-quasi-famous-people over?? *I’m never wrong, motherfuckers.

Fuck Kim Kardashian. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would but I don’t really want to go after Reggie Bush (amirightfellas?). But wasn’t this bitch’s platform that you don’t need to be thin to be beautiful?? I mean, all she talks about is how much she loves her curves and shit but, and stop be if I’m wrong*, then why is she losing weight? It’s obvious that she is trying to get thinner. But Kim, I thought big could be beautiful?? Now, I’m not complaining, I don’t like fat girls and I’m not saying she will ever not be curvy or that she’s skinny by any means, I’m just saying, don’t go selling fucking thighmasters and then get lipo (I’m looking at you Suzanne Somers).  I mean, are the days of trusting the famous-for-no-reason-offspring-of-other-quasi-famous-people over??

*I’m never wrong, motherfuckers.

+

Fuck the Yankees.

To quote the great Doug Stanhope, fuck the yankees. Their payroll is nearly double, nearly 100% MORE than the Phillies. How the fuck are they not supposed to win??? It isn’t a difference of a couple million. Its the difference of three ARods. Four Derek Jeters. Five Mark Teixeiras. You could take the top 5 players from the Yankees and put them on the current Phillies roster for that amount. Now who wins?? Ridiculous. Unless you live in New York, then FUCK THE YANKEES. In case you wondering, the second highest payroll belongs to the Mets and is still 60 Million less…

November 4

Red flag?

  • Me: What was the name of your tattoo artist buddy that is crazy good?
  • Her: Why, what are you getting?
  • Me: I gotta finish the inside of this half-sleeve; want him to a sacred heart for me.
  • Her: Oh he'll do something amazing, I'm sure! I want a heart but I want a knife through it.
  • Me: ...
+
jkelske: FACT: The Fresh Berry Medley from Trader Joes is by far the hardest plastic container I ever had to open… Harder than your tampon box?? You can have your man card back once you’ve killed a large animal (must have claws) with your bare hands. Or, if time is not an issue, you can have it after watching (in the following order): Rocky IV, Karate Kid I and II, Die Hard I and IV, Rambo and finally Big Trouble in Little China. If this was a plastic container filled with say, scorpions or those poisonous frogs from brazil, or perhaps ninja stars then I might light you slide. Now go to your room and think about what you just did.

jkelske:

FACT: The Fresh Berry Medley from Trader Joes is by far the hardest plastic container I ever had to open…

Harder than your tampon box?? You can have your man card back once you’ve killed a large animal (must have claws) with your bare hands. Or, if time is not an issue, you can have it after watching (in the following order): Rocky IV, Karate Kid I and II, Die Hard I and IV, Rambo and finally Big Trouble in Little China. If this was a plastic container filled with say, scorpions or those poisonous frogs from brazil, or perhaps ninja stars then I might light you slide. Now go to your room and think about what you just did.

November 3

rdmcgeorge:

Victim in Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck - There are some really priceless quotes in this video.

She was so beautiful, she didnt even have little pig eyes.

+

The minute you realize you're old...

calamitysam:

Is the minute the 22-year-old girl dressed as a GI Jane stripper sans underwear asks what you’re supposed to be. A 1940s pin-up girl actually. Classy. As opposed to your “top” and bare midrift. I’m pretty sure if you were army crawling through the jungle, your shit would be wrecked. I thought costumes were supposed to be legit? Now I know that using the term midrift alone ages me. And I know Halloween is an open invitation to dress like even more of a tramp than the bar-hopping norm. I can’t do it anymore though. I love to dance, imbibe and make a jackass out of myself just as much as the next person, but I had a fucking headache the next day that could’ve rivaled a brain tumor. I didn’t even drink all that much and the drinks weren’t even that tasty. Tasty enough to justify my horrendous dome pain. This just isn’t my cup of tea anymore. Although I’m damn glad I was present to see Jon “stomp the yard” and engage in a mean round of air double dutch on the dance floor, splitting his rented trousers from crotch to shin. I laughed my ass off. Until he showed me his balls.

Ha! Just people loving people, babe.

November 2

i refuse to fight the upcoming holidays sober. if they kill me, then at least i'll be oblivious.

(via bringtheruckuss)

awww…yes. The gauntlet begins…

+

Interesting...position?

  • C: No, he fucked my roommate.
  • Me: Jess?
  • C: Patrick.
  • Me: Oh shit! Yeah, I feel like I heard he was bi.
  • C: There's no such thing as bi. You suck a dick, you're gay.
  • Me: I never thought about it like that...makes sense.
  • C: Gay.
+
Best. Halloween. Ever. I swear I’m posting this picture because its the best one of my costume. Not because of the boobs. Mostly not because of the boobs. Let’s call it 50/50. Update: yes, I now own my 19th century tuxedo I rented due entirely to the fact that I ripped the pant leg from the belt to the ankle. Turns out, you shouldn’t break dance in formal attire. If you’re thinking you shouldn’t break dance at all, well then you obviously haven’t hung out with me. BOOMBOOMPOW!

Best. Halloween. Ever. I swear I’m posting this picture because its the best one of my costume. Not because of the boobs. Mostly not because of the boobs. Let’s call it 50/50.

Update: yes, I now own my 19th century tuxedo I rented due entirely to the fact that I ripped the pant leg from the belt to the ankle. Turns out, you shouldn’t break dance in formal attire. If you’re thinking you shouldn’t break dance at all, well then you obviously haven’t hung out with me. BOOMBOOMPOW!

October 30
via

via